Is it a choice or a decision. Is I apologize the same as I’m sorry?

It begins with our association to these words. The weight you attach to these words defines the meaning. It could be the programming from our youth, maybe we watched someone significant continually saying I’m sorry even if this person had no responsibility for the actions. By saying I’m sorry takes on the responsibility as if we committed the act to be sorry for. This is why it’s important to differentiate them, by apologizing for someone else’s actions take the load off us and maintains it where it should be, dismissible. I apologize shows support for the person needing that and it may be exactly what they are looking for, notghing more. To say that you are sorry commits to their change and bends to their satisfaction, not yours. When we take personal responsibility for our actions we make a shift, this shift is enlightenment. We build a value system which supports our core foundation which reflects our moral code. The same is true for the choices we make; choices are the support legs for the decisions we are committed to. We see the same weight relationship here. A choice carries less weight than a decision, A decision is a commitment for necessary change, the decision we make holds a much higher responsibility.

In both of these concepts the general consensus is that these are the same, I agree that they can be used interchangeably, however: after examining them individually you will notice that they are very different. For me the words choice and apology encourage that the results are offering flexibility and room for the lack of action where the words I’m sorry and decision demand change and hold more accountability when we choose these words. These parities show up often in our language. In the self-development world we know that words mean something and its imperative that you define the stronghold you will hold yourself accountable to the words we use.

Whenever I tell someone that I apologize for something, it refers to something that I cannot control and have very little influence over making a change to. I can apologize for anything; it could be that an airplane arrival is delayed or that your guest’s food that you order at a restaurant is not prepared the way they ordered it. If you make a promise to someone and your intent was to keep that promise and make a lasting change. Then you consciously choose to break that promise, you are sorry for breaking that promise and fully intend to learn from this action and will act differently in the future. I believe that when someone says that they are sorry for everything and not gauging the independent meaning of these words singularly puts a lot more pressure on our subconscious.  If you can take some of the weight off of the situation, it will make it easier to prioritize our attached meaning to it allowing us to focus on higher priorities.  Throughout my life and I’m confident yours as well, you gauge whether or not and apology is necessary or I’m sorry is more appropriate based on the degree of regret that is attached, you can only know this by past experience. This is also a great indicator to recognize where change is in necessary. This is relative because this is the point where we tend to either repeat our past or break the cycle of our past. We notice this in extreme examples, because they offer clarity, for example, the cheating spouse promises not to engage in this act again and fully intends to make amends, they are sorry for this action. The alcoholic who promises not to take another drink and then does is sorry for their action and fully intends to act differently. Both of these scenarios have regret attached to them, the more the action is contradicted the more weight of regret exists. We are often sorry for relationships that matter most, and we apologize for insignificant acquaintances.

               The parity of choice and decision are very similar, we make choices every day, all day. The choice to hit the snooze button every morning so we can sleep just a little bit longer, or the choice to wear certain cloths. We choose what we are going to eat for dinner, we choose what actions we are going to take any given day. To make a decision is to decide to make a lasting change, to cut off from the past and make a conscious change moving forward. To decide to never hit snooze and to put your feet on the floor as soon as the alarm sounds and recite four things you are grateful for. We decide that in order to improve time management I’m going to pick out my clothes for the next day and set them out. Decisions should take more time to consider the pros and cons of the results the decision will offer. When a decision is made there are support legs or a strategy of participation to encourage the decision. Choices do not require as much proactive consideration and once a choice is made you should not hold as much value to the outcome as a decision. The differences between choice and decision are the degree of accountability towards the choice compared to the decision. You can dismiss a choice without it having a large degree of effect on your life, similarly it is much more difficult to dismiss a decision since the purpose of a decision is to make lasting change. The alcoholic who decides to quit drinking and manages to stay alcohol free is a quality decision backed by a time element, or what about the cheating spouse that made the decision to never cheat again and held to that decision.

                Both these parities are similar in that they both offer a degree of severity and time. The severity is relative to the associated regret or guilt by not following through, and the other can be dismissed without having much effect. Here is the caveat, we get to decide how much weight each of these concepts: apology, sorry, choice and decision have on our core foundation, our moral code and the important roles each play in our self-discovery. Regret shows up when we focus on our past, the decisions we didn’t make and the wishes to have made different choices related to the decisions we did make. Realizing the decisions, we did not make in the past and how that decision looks 10, 15, 20 years later. For example, 15 years ago, I decided to take $100,000 out of the NASDAQ stock exchange because I was influenced through a media source suggesting that the market was shifting and to sell my stocks, if I would have left the money in the stock market it would be worth 3 times as much today. I regret not leaving the money in the market, in hindsight with 20/20 clarity it would have been better for me to keep the money invested, often times we do not realize the effects of our decisions and choices for years later. We can minimize our risks of our choices and decisions through self-discovery and a commitment to live a life of learning and growth, these experiences over time will allow us to learn the lessons of our past and through actions make better, educated decisions. The lesson here is that I should have considered more than one source to influence my choice to take the money out of the market. You are probably thinking that this sounds like a decision and not a choice, for goodness’ sake Dan there was $100K on the line. Once again it is relative to the weight we attach, sure $100K is a lot of money, the lesson I learned as a result…. Priceless.