Semantics is everything

It is so important to listen, comprehend and then offer productive insight into a conversation no matter personal or professional. This is easier said than done, in the midst of conversation we often are surprised or caught off guard and find ourselves reactionary and defensive especially if we are not prepared for situational conversation.  To comprehend means to wait until the other person has completed their thought and then offer your input (effective communication), making eye contact and nonverbal body language like nodding your head in affirmation, a positive hand gesture are signs that you are paying attention. It’s ok for a long pause here for you to gather your thoughts as to how to respond, be mindful of your thoughts, if you feel that whatever it is that you want to say can be misunderstood it’s a great idea to say something like “I can see that this is very important to you, and it’s equally important to me, let’s table this conversation and get back to that after we have had some time to process this”. It is so important to not dismiss this element of contention, you must find resolve. Through the process of learning and growth, over time and with practice you can be better equipped when the spontaneous shows up.

The words we use in our daily routine define our commitment to action. Using words of commitment include: I will, I promise, absolutely, actually, yes, I will follow through, this will happen, must, and so many more. When considering the use of these and similar words are a call to action, failure to fulfill this commitment will most likely have negative consequences. Your reputation is on the line, it’s important to be sure you can follow through or you may jeopardize relationships by the loss of integrity, and trust. This shows up in both our personal and professional relationships.

In our personal relationships there is a degree of implied ambiguity. When we are in a relationship often as the relationship ages, we unintentionally take each other for granted and assume that the other will be ok with making a decision without recognizing the importance of the event to the other. When this shows up it is important to recognize it, and then be proactive acting appropriately. I have learned in a quality relationship that communication is key and to ask questions. For example, “how important is this event to you? Is it important to show up timely?” Asking these questions help to show that you care enough to ask and that you can prioritize accordingly. Responding with words of commitment will offer validation that you will not forget. Maybe you could set a reminder to help you plan accordingly, barring the extreme circumstance that you may be derailed.  You will be there as promised. You can even include that last part into the dialog. This is what great communicators do. As an adult you probably have had several relationships and learned from each of them. I’m sure you can plug in a situation here that is relevant. I can tell you at the time I wrote this that I am engaged in a quality relationship where communication is the foundation to our growth. We are continually learning from each other to create a stronger partnership, and when a point of misunderstanding shows up, we may talk through it, table it for processing, and then have a conversation to create a resolution.  Now for those of you who have children these steps can be so important. It is often that we may have work and prior scheduled commitments that prevent us from attending our children’s events. As a father, the last thing I ever wanted to be known for was not showing up or making a promise I couldn’t keep. So, I made the decision to show up for as many of my children’s events as I could. If I told them I would be there, I was. And I would tell them in advance if there was a possibility that I may not be able to attend. Our children are so impressionable and they will often hold us accountable for what we say we are and aren’t going to do. They often put us on display to their circle of peers. So it may be important to you for how they will talk about you within their circle.

Let’s take a look at how this same concept of words will play out with our initial personal relationships, acquaintances, or those we hold in less regard. Our language will often create flexibility and be ambiguous, vague, and open ended. The conversations often include words like, “we should plan to get together once a month and do this more often”. While we are adulting, we will often prioritize family, work and health before our new friendships. So we may appreciate the time with friends and want more of it. It’s simply not practical. We should spend more time together suggests that the friendship is important enough to think about, however; it’s not important enough to plan and schedule it. We often will hear, “I would love to plan something with you guys but I’m so busy with work and my kids that I don’t have the time.” These new relationships may lack attentive listening. Their body language appears to be closed off with their arms crossed as their eyes shift around the room looking for others in attendance. Since we do not hold these types of relationships in high regard, we tend to use less committal words and our intentions are often not genuine. Ours and their use of ambiguous words clearly tells us a lot about the relationship and where it will land on the priority scale.

Looking at this same relation to word choices in our professional relationships mirrors our personal relationships. With over 20 years of sales and business experience, I have seen, done and been engaged in a lot of professional conversations. I have worked in several industries and these concepts are relevant across the board. We can separate our professional relationships into two categories: Quality relationships and building a quality relationship.

A Quality Relationship being the first is a relationship that cannot be created without first going through the building phase. The quality relationship has been built over time and so it is established. This relationship is rooted with trust and respect which will invite in repeat business for your product or service.  You would ask yourself what has them look elsewhere if they don’t come back to you.  Expect them to do their market research so when they do come back to you that you will provide them with the best care and quality of service throughout the sales process. The trust you have built with them over time has them more willing to commit to you as you should know what they expect. When you are discussing things like availability and features you will inherently be direct with absolute certainty that these requests will be met. Your preparedness is appreciated, and they will be willing to spend a bit more than market value for this additional service. You won’t have to worry about the language you use with these clients because you are already shooting them straight. They know when they will get their product should it not be at the time of sale because they trust you. For example, of you know that a product is not going to be ready for four weeks, you tell them it will arrive in 5 weeks. This will offer a cushion in case of a delay. If you have a product in stock but it excludes a couple features, they wanted, you will tell them what is missing and offer them a choice to take the one in stock less the features for a discounted price. If available, you can order the exact same model with all the features they require, however; they will have to wait for it. When scheduling with these clients, they will respect your time as they know you will respect theirs.  They will call you to reschedule if something comes up. You are not afraid to tell them exactly how much it will cost them including all fees and taxes because they bought from you before and know what to expect. You will promise to deliver on what you say because you are a professional and will be in tune with what you have available to meet their needs and if you do not you will accurately present to them what circumstances it will take to meet their needs.

What shows up with the quality relationships is accountability. This is the same word we introduced with our quality personal relationships. Commitment to delivery is the expectation. For example, “you will absolutely be able to pick up you new vehicle on Wednesday at 2pm or any time after.” If there was a focal point that your client required and was left with uncertainty, validate it at this time with clarity. “When we talked, I had expressed that I wasn’t sure I could get the product in cobalt blue. I am happy to say that the one you are picking up is the color you wanted. I promise that when you pick up your vehicle that it will be detailed for you and as a bonus it will have a full tank of gas.” You get to set up whatever expectation you will deliver to your client. If you don’t intend to always offer a full tank of gas then make sure you highlight that this is an extra bonus or special at the time. For example, you may say, “As a thank you for how much I appreciate your repeat business I am able to offer you a full tank of gas at this time.” Setting the expectation clearly with your client is critical in establishing a long-lasting quality relationship.  For example, showing up on time for a scheduled meeting is important. If you say you will meet them at 7pm on a Thursday, then plan to arrive early in case they arrive early. Only reschedule an appointment if it is on their terms. I would never advise rescheduling because you had something come up. And never have someone show up to this meeting in your place. What happens if you do this is that you can never classify them as a quality relationship. They will remember that you passed them off to someone else and didn’t care enough about the relationship to be there for them. When you can talk the talk and back it with walk the walk you have earned quality relationships. The more quality relationships you build and maintain will grow your professional career. The words we recognize in a quality relationship are: I will, I promise to, absolutely, you can count on it, and here is exactly what you can expect.

Now let’s take a look at the building quality relationship clients, you notice that semantics means a lot, the words we choose to use and when to use them differentiate the quality of the relationship. At this point of the relationship, we are building trust and expectations. There is always a degree of ambiguity since neither client or professional have had much opportunity to establish a baseline for expectations. It is important to understand that the relationship between company and sales professional meaning that at this point in the relationship the accountability to the dealership is more relevant than with the client. This building a quality relationship has yet to graduate to a quality relationship. You can consider yourself a liaison between the client and the dealership. You and your client will be testing each other and discovering clear points of expectations. You as the professional will be engaging in the hero/zero complex, you should always focus on under promise and over deliver. The words that will show up here can and should be vague, offer flexibility and create an element of leaving you the sales professional with an “out”. The difference between these two relationships, the quality relationship and building a quality relationship is absolution. Allow me to clear a couple concepts up, when we are first building a relationship from infancy, we are discovering flexibility with our clients, for example when I was offering powersports and the dealership bought several side by sides (ATV’s, 4 wheelers) in order to buy them at a discount, it was our responsibility to focus on these vehicles with incentives. When a client would inquire about a similar vehicle, had to have a particular unit, expressed that they would only take the unit they inquired about, we would present to the client that “I believe that the unit you are looking for is available, however; I do have this one (the one that was purchased with incentives) that is similar, would you be open to looking at it? Another question might be regarding delivery, as I mentioned already semantics means a lot, when a unit has to be ordered and you know that it will take 3 weeks to arrive you’ll be sure to tell your client 3- 5 weeks to arrive, if it shows up in three weeks as you expect and you call your client and tell them that it has arrived the perception is early and you are a hero, if it shows up in 5 weeks plus one day you are a zero. You do run the risk when you use this strategy that they will not execute the transaction if it goes beyond their need, if this shows up you will need to use another action to get their product sooner like dealer trade, or maybe offer some sort of free upgrade for a similar unit.

The sales professional knows how to not lock themselves down, they will always have a way out of any unforeseen circumstance. Words that come to mind here are: Often, should, about, it usually does, I would be surprised, and I didn’t realize. Here is where the old adage comes from like “shady salesman” and lack of trust. The sales professional doesn’t have a clear understanding of the clients' needs yet since as we mentioned the element of expectation has not been met yet. As sales pros we have to treat everyone similarly until we know more about our client, our clients typically (here is another word) do not feel comfortable sharing intimate details about their lives until after the first transaction has been consummated and a degree of trust is established therefore, the sales pro uses ambiguity to protect their reputation. For example, when considering ordering a product: Diane, we will need to order this product for you, I can tell you that this often shows up in about 3 weeks once we place your order, we cannot place your order without a contract, would you like to move forward with the agreement now so we can get your product on its way? There are several elements that can show up here, cater your language to fit your product. Another example of this is: Abby, I know you are aware of this already (this is meant to be an assumption) payments are based on your personal credit strength, down payment, interest rate and length of contract term, based on everything you told me about your situation payment should be in the neighborhood of $149 per month. There is a lot here also, you didn’t mention term, interest rate or amount financed because we do not know these variables until we have secured financing. Abby, would you like to submit a finance application now while you are here and find out exactly what this looks like for you? Once you have a contract and Abby is ready to sign you assume the sales including all extended warranties, tire insurance, GAP insurance, Credit Life Accident Health insurances. You bring the contract to Abby and she is shocked by the payment being $198/month, your reply will be “I can appreciate where you are coming from Abby, usually my clients like to have their new vehicle fully protected which is why I wanted to show you that option first.  For less than $50/month more you can secure you vehicle with triple crown protection. You can see how the ambiguous words show up in this conversation.

Semantics is the key here, the words we choose to say with consistency allows the professional to say to the prospect, I can tell you I have been doing this a long time, I intentionally say things a certain way when I do not have any control over someone else’s actions and it directly effects the outcome. Giving yourself an out and setting the stage for flexibility will ease every stage of the sales process. For a more in depth look at examples of these ambiguous words and situations please consider my eBook. The link is in the bio. This idea can be applied immediately in your conversations, please like/share and comment below and help us grow. Until next time. Make it a great day and be kind to one another.